A couple of friends at work were talking about a
book called "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man" by Steve Harvey. I
don't think I have had troubles with men, maybe because I don't think or act enough
like a lady. I am very simple and actually don’t think very much. I was
curious, so I started reading this book. Here's an excerpt from Harvey
(2009) that made me think about my relationship and the relationships around
me.
Nothing on this planet can compare with a woman's love - it is
kind and compassionate patient and nurturing, generous and sweet and
unconditional. Pure. If you are her man, she will walk on water and through a mountain
for you, too, no matter how you've acted out, no matter what crazy thing you've
done, no matter the time or demand. If you are her man, she will talk to you
until there just aren't any more words left to say, encourage you when you're
at rock bottom and think there just isn't any way out, hold you in her arms
when you're sick, and laugh with you when you're up. And if you're her man and
that woman loves you - I mean really loves you? - she will shine you up when
you're dusty, encourage you when you're down, defend you even when she's not so
sure you were right, and hang on our every word, even when you're not saying
anything worth listening to. And no matter what you do, no matter how many
times her friends say you're no good, no matter how many times you slam the
door on the relationship, she will give you her very best and then some, and
keep right on trying to win over your heart, even when you act like everything
she's done to convince you she's The One just isn't good enough.
That's a woman's love - it stands the test of time, logic, and all circumstance.
And this is exactly how you all expect us men to love you in return. Ask any woman what kind of love she wants from a man, and it will sound something like this: I want him to be humble and smart, fun and romantic, sensitive and gentle, and, above all, supportive. I want him to look in my eyes and tell me I'm beautiful and that I complete him. I want a man who is vulnerable enough to cry when he's hurting, who will introduce me to his mother with a smile on his face, who loves children and animals, and who is willing to change diapers and wash dishes and do it all without me having to ask. And if he has a nice body and a lot of money and expensive shoes without scuffs, that would be great, too. Amen.
That's a woman's love - it stands the test of time, logic, and all circumstance.
And this is exactly how you all expect us men to love you in return. Ask any woman what kind of love she wants from a man, and it will sound something like this: I want him to be humble and smart, fun and romantic, sensitive and gentle, and, above all, supportive. I want him to look in my eyes and tell me I'm beautiful and that I complete him. I want a man who is vulnerable enough to cry when he's hurting, who will introduce me to his mother with a smile on his face, who loves children and animals, and who is willing to change diapers and wash dishes and do it all without me having to ask. And if he has a nice body and a lot of money and expensive shoes without scuffs, that would be great, too. Amen.
Well, I'm here to tell you that expecting that kind of love - that perfection - from a man is unrealistic. That's right, I said it - it's not gonna happen, no way, no how. Because a man's love isn't like a woman's love.
Don't
get it confused, now - I'm not saying that we're not capable of loving. I'm
just saying that a man's love is different - much more simple, direct,
and probably a little harder to come by. I'll tell you this much: a
man who is in love with you is probably not going to call you every half hour
and give you an update on how much more he loves you at 5:30 P.M. then he did
at 5:00 P.M.; he's not going to sit around stroking your hair and wiping your
brow with cold compresses while you sip hot tea and nurse yourself back to
health.
His
love is still love, though.
It's
just different from the love that women give and, in a lot of cases,
want.
I argue that if you simple recognize how, exactly, a man loves, you might find that the man standing in front of you is, indeed, giving you his all and then some.
I argue that if you simple recognize how, exactly, a man loves, you might find that the man standing in front of you is, indeed, giving you his all and then some.
Honestly, I am probably exactly the opposite type of woman
he described in the beginning. However, reading this little excerpt has made me
realize that even though I am not that woman, I have found a man who has done most
of the things Harvey says a man isn’t going to do for a woman. And if your man hasn’t done those things, I
think you really need to “simple recognize…[that] indeed, [he is] giving you
his all and then some.”
What type of woman are you? and what man are you looking for?
Reference:
Harvey, S. (2009). Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. New York: Harper Collins Publisher.
